My thoughts on diverting focus from looking “perfect” to focusing on my person
This heartfelt post was written about a month ago before I decided to create a custom wedding dress with Priscilla Costa Bridal to fit me, exactly as I am. It’s always difficult to share such raw and personal thoughts, but I wanted to share my mindset with hopes that it may light something inside you, and to hold myself accountable during this season. A huge thank you to Brianna Wilbur Photography for capturing our excitement in the picture above. I’ll share more of our engagement photos soon!
I’m sitting here writing this post when I should be doing other things. I’ve got 3 hours until I need to leave for my 7th appointment to try on bridal gowns, but I had to write these thoughts down for you.
Truth be told, a few days after J and I got engaged, I knew I had to write this post for you. It’s a Friday morning, it’s still dark, and it’s pouring rain…so I write. This post is for all of the girls out there, who like me, dream their entire lives of being married, and truly want to be their most beautiful selves on their wedding day.
I haven’t planned every detail of my wedding day since I was 3, but I had a pretty solid idea of how I wanted things to be when I walk down the isle. I met J and all of that fell into place, sort of.
Suddenly, the grandeur of “A WEDDING” kind of paled to the thought of hanging out with my best friend for the rest of this life. The little things seemed kind of trivial compared to the big plan and meaning behind the day. AKA, sometimes, making up our own silly dances moves in the living room sounds more appealing than seating charts. Or dieting to fit into my wedding dress.
Getting my measurements taken at Priscilla Costa Bridal . Thanks to my sweet brother for capturing the moment!
I’ll be frank with you, I’ve never been a girl that has had a ton of weight to lose. I’m athletic and active and I always have been. But, I have a tendency to be extreme, especially with fitness expectations. I wrote a post last year called Wear The White Jeans about how I spent all of last summer pushing my white jeans to the back of my closet because they made me feel self-conscious about my thighs. From the outside, it may seem that I don’t have much to complain about, but you never know what sort of war negative body image is raging on someone’s inside. I’m happy to report that THIS year, I’ve been wearing white jeans since before Memorial Day – ha, take that you negative subconscious, you!
Okay, getting to the point. My body perfectionist mentality always told me that this is the time I would be “getting it together”. Reaching my goals and obtaining my dream body and goal weight before my wedding. Whatever that means, anymore, I truly have no idea. But then, sweet J asked me to marry him and wanted to toast to us with endless champagne, watch me order whatever dessert I wanted because he knows eating dessert in a restaurant is my favorite thing ever, and let’s be honest, order pizza on multiple occasions because we were both too dang tired from all of the celebrating to lift a spatula.
And then it dawned on me: our wedding is not my wedding and it’s certainly not about showing off my “perfect” body, it’s about celebrating our lives and choosing each other. So, I made a pact with myself. This is not a season of restriction, and I will not lead my life in a way that makes me feel as such. I’ll probably always be the person who wants to go exercise 5 days a week and who prefers broccoli over potato chips. But that doesn’t mean I can’t pick out the menu for our wedding over pizza and a glass of wine with my sweetheart, the night before I try on wedding dresses.
I’m writing this to you because maybe you need validation to do the same thing for yourself. Or maybe you need to stop looking at every bump or tiny, personal imperfection in your wedding photos (no matter how old they are) and focus on the shots that capture your sweet grandfather laughing on the dance floor. Whatever you need to convince yourself that your engagement season does not have to be filled with worry, crazy dieting, and unrealistic workout programs – I hope this is a piece of the puzzle.
I realize it’s a blessing to be in this headspace. Do I still want to feel beautiful and will I change up my routine a bit every now and then? Sure. But I will do my best to make sure that this time isn’t clouded with negativity where my body is concerned. I think a lot of these revelations have to do with the culture of the health and wellness community I am now so readily a part of. I’m amazed by all of the positive, real and whole food advocates out there, making a difference every day in the way we, as a society, think about health. It’s made a difference in me, as has having someone love me just as I am.
So today, if I find THE DRESS, I won’t be ordering it a size smaller. I won’t be choosing something that makes me feel like I need to fit into it. I’ll be choosing something that makes me feel perfect as I am. Because to me, the person that picked me as I am is pretty darn perfect.
As always xoxx,